That Day
It's been exactly six days after that horrible exam and I still have nightmares about it. To be completely honest, I was pretty confident about this exam. Although I'm a mediocre writer, with barely any skill or talent, I naturally love English and enjoy being in the class. I've learned so much in the past couple of months and I was genuinely happy with my performance in this class as well as the practice tests/essays. Notice the word "was". As pessimistic as it sounds, after this exam, I don't feel as confident in myself or my academic skills anymore. I'm not one to obsess over my grades or get extremely upset if I get a low grade - I'm really not, I'm usually more relaxed - but it's just this one exam that's causing me to feel somewhat uncomfortable. Besides math, English has not only been my best subject, but also my favorite. Going against all my parents hopes and dreams (which wasn't an easy thing to do, I still feel guilty about it), I seriously considered majoring in English in college and potentially pursuing a career in this field. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do, something along the lines of journalism or comparative literature, but I really wanted to study English in college and somehow find a way to help people by giving them a voice about important issues. To be honest, I don't think I can do that. Yes, I do like this subject. But, if I can't pass an introductory level college exam, how am I ever going to become a professor when I grow up? I'm thinking way too deeply into this, but it's really been crushing my confidence as of lately.
This isn't my first time taking an AP exam, as I took the AP Environmental Exam earlier this month on the first, but these two subjects are the first AP classes I've ever taken. My proctor, who was the same person for both of my exams, did a great job reminding us of the time every 10 minutes. That was super helpful, so I'm thankful for that. The process to fill out the bubble sheet was very tedious, but the proctor went through it quickly, so it was okay. I was incredibly nervous in the morning, however, once I got to the school and saw my friends, it was better. I relaxed and calmly went over whatever I could. The passages were not as hard as I thought they were going to be, but that doesn't mean they were easy either. I don't think I did that well on that section and I spent too much time on the first passage. However, I did finish on time and didn't have to rush through any of the questions. This sounds like an exaggeration, but I don't think that I did well on any of the essays. Maybe my synthesis essay was okay, but I think I misread the prompt. I completely bombed the rhetorical essay. I used tone even when my teacher told us not to (out of desperation). And the argumentative essay, my examples weren't exactly great or original. But, hey, at least I didn't rant about Trump like all my friends. Overall, the experience was pretty daunting, but I don't regret taking this class.
